As Ellen watched her parents dance at their 50th wedding anniversary celebration, surrounded by so many long-time friends and loving family members, she was grateful they were both still able to enjoy the occasion so completely. Her father’s health wasn’t what it used to be, and he was becoming increasingly reliant on her mother for help. Although her mother had always doted on him and never once complained, Ellen could tell the situation was taking a toll on her.
Before leaving, Ellen told her sister, Maureen, they should talk soon about their parents’ future living arrangement. She wanted to start looking into their options now, before something happened that could force them to make some very important decisions in a hurry. She was relieved when Maureen said she’d had similar thoughts.
While this scenario is fictitious, it illustrates a common situation that many of us will eventually face: caring for elderly parents.
‘One Day’ Often Comes Before We’re Ready
We all have our list of things we’re going to do “one of these days,” when there’s more time and we aren’t so distracted. When we’re in our 20s and 30s (and sometimes well into our 40s), we’re focused on our own lives, building our careers, connecting with others socially, making a home and maybe starting a family. “Caring for parents” probably isn’t high on our list of future considerations, if it’s on the list at all.
But circumstances can change, and quickly. An accident, a sudden illness or increasing memory loss can lead to a role reversal, and adult children may find themselves being a caregiver for a parent. It can be awkward, stressful and frustrating, both for the adult child and the parent.
In some cases, it’s difficult for older adults to acknowledge they need help, even to themselves. They might be less reluctant to turn to their spouse or partner for assistance than their grown children, but that isn’t always an option. And, caring for an elderly parent isn’t something that comes naturally to everyone. Plus, in the case of memory loss, your parent is often better off with a trained caregiver.
Fortunately, there are choices, such as assisted living and memory care, that can benefit seniors, their spouses or partners, their adult children and the relationships between family members.
How Assisted Living and Memory Care Make It Easier To Care for Elderly Parents
Assisted living and memory care communities have professional caregivers who are trained in helping older adults with their needs. Some seniors require more assistance than others, but even those who only need occasional help are glad to have someone readily available when the need arises.
These are some of the main reasons older adults decide to move to a community that offers assisted living and/or memory care support:
- They feel safer. Assistance is available around the clock, and staff members know what to do if a medical emergency occurs. Plus, the residences have safety features built in to help prevent falls and ensure security.
- There are plenty of choices every day for social interaction. Seniors with limited mobility or other health conditions who live alone can become isolated, whether by choice or by circumstance. But when they’re among others who know what it’s like to live with limitations, they may be more likely to engage with their neighbors, form new friendships and participate in activities offered in the community.
- Meals are easier — and may be more nutritious, too. Older adults who live on their own may skip meals or eat whatever is convenient, especially if cooking has become a challenge. Assisted living and memory care communities provide three meals each day, along with snacks, and most either have a dietitian or nutritionist on staff, or they consult with one to ensure the food they serve meets the unique dietary needs of seniors.
- Transportation is available. Many communities provide transportation not only to nearby stores, restaurants and entertainment venues but also to medical appointments. Even residents who still drive often appreciate having the option not to.
- They no longer have to worry about maintaining their home. For many seniors, household chores and repairs can become cumbersome — or impossible. Responsibility for maintaining the house often falls on family members or hired help. In an assisted living or memory care community, the staff handles maintenance and repairs, and housekeeping and laundry services are typically provided as well.
- They want their family to have peace of mind. Nobody wants to feel like they’re a burden, especially to loved ones. Many times, when older adults realize their current living situation is creating stress and worry for the people they care about, they’re motivated to make changes.
You Can Focus on the Relationships Rather Than the Responsibilities
It’s often the case that after older adults move into assisted living, family members still want to participate to some extent in providing their aging parents’ care.
You may make a similar decision. But when the staff is making sure your parent’s needs are being met, and he or she is safe and enjoying a good quality of life, it frees you to be the daughter or son again, instead of having to act as the parent.
If you have siblings, your relationships with them may also benefit from your parent’s move to assisted living, since it’s less likely that anyone will feel they’re shouldering a disproportionate share of the caregiving.
Having a Family Discussion
Taking care of elderly parents is a topic that may be tough for some families to talk about. Generally, it’s best for all family members who will be involved in making the decisions to have a preliminary conversation or two before bringing the parent into the discussion. This way, the rest of the family can talk through any differences they may have with regard to what they believe is best.
If you’d like some help broaching the subject, you’ll find useful tips in this blog post.
Assisted Living at The Vered
More than 800,000 adults are in assisted living in the U.S., according to the American Health Care Association and the National Center for Assisted Living. Half are age 85 and older, and 31% are age 75-84. As the population continues to age, the demand for assisted living will only increase.
Here at The Vered, we’re introducing a new perception of assisted living to Encino, with restaurant-style dining in multiple on-site venues; engaging activities for the mind, body and spirit; elegantly designed living spaces that are larger than those typically found in assisted living communities; amenities comparable to those in upscale independent living settings; clinically excellent care and so much more.
If you are interested in learning more about assisted living or memory care at The Vered, you can make an appointment for a one-on-one conversation with a team member in our Discovery Center.
Call 818-450-3120 or complete this short contact form and we’ll get in touch with you promptly.
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